Pneumothorax

The doctor called me in the late morning. He wanted to update me on Taylor's condition. Apparently, she had a pretty bad morning. Having pneumothorax... A collection of air between the lung and the chest wall that develops when air leaks out of the lung. She had to have a tube inserted into her lungs to kind of "patch up" the whole. It took all day, but her vital signs are starting to become stable again. Doctors were expecting it to happen earlier.

Manic Monday...

Mondays- what to say? Today along with the past weekend were a doozy. Things have taken a turn for the worst. Taylor's little lung collapsed and both lungs are becoming hardened. The docs say she has chronic lung disease. The oscillating ventilator has been on her for too long and is starting to have adverse effects on her lungs; she cannot cope on the other kind of ventilator. The O2 will not seep through to her blood like it is supposed to anymore. She is on full support from the ventilator but her O2 saturation level is still only 40-80% most of the time. Her bp and pulse have gone bonkers the last two days- she is on three meds to try and control it but is not responding well. Her little tummy is full of gas and is bloating up again but they cannot do anything about it now because of the lung problems. She is on 3 antibiotics again because blood work is showing an infection somewhere. Her jaundice level is up and down as usual along with her sugar level. She is receiving lots of blood and frozen plasma to try and stabilize her. Nothing seems to be working. The docs and the nurses are working on her pretty much 24/7. It has been a long weekend and a horrible Monday. After talking with the docs this afternoon I just cried and cried. It took me a long time to gain control and be able to sing and talk to her like normal. We both lost control after we left the hospital. It is hard to watch your child be sick and not be able to do anything. I would take it all in a heartbeat if only she could be ok. We went back to see her tonight and were able to take Kelvin's parents with us. My parents got an earlier flight- they will arrive on Wed. I am thankful they will be earlier than planned. I need my Momma! The one thing getting me through this time is knowing my darling girl is resting in the arms of Jesus all day, every day. She is in the best hands- the ones that formed her perfectly in His own image. We pray she has a better night and for a better report tomorrow. A good friend told me that Taylor is doing the NICU shuffle right now, one step forward and two steps back. I pray we have a forward step tomorrow.

People Get Ready

Had to go for a dental surgery today so BabyMama took a cab to the hospital by herself. I met her there. Her O2 dependency was 80%. Nurse said it will be going up and down until her lungs mature.

Decided to sing/hum to her "People Get Ready." Not sure why... But I think she enjoyed it. This was the closest I've been with her face to face... She opened her eyes and "looked" right at me. I know she can't see me yet. But I think she recognizes the quality in my voice. It is probably something different from the serious doctors and nurses around her all day. It was a "moment" for me and Taylor. Meanwwhile, BabyMama had already sang to her for the last 45 minutes while waiting for me to arrive.

There were pee stains on her diaper. Never knew I would be so excited over the sight of pee. They had to help her excrete pooped today, because she wasn't able to do it herself.

(Now, we are going to see her again... Evening visit)

Christmas Day

Off the Photo Therapy lighting. Doctors will try to make her crap by stimulating the rectum. O2 levels fluctuate.

Taylor opened her eyes a little more these days. But we still can't see the white of her eyes. They are still very underdeveloped.

Blue Smurf Again...

Taylor is getting a little better. She is under the Photo Therarpy light again because her jaundice numbers are up, but the doctor wasn't too worried about that. Overall, her numbers looked a little better. Doctors have lowered down the settings on the machine. O2 level at 31% dependency. Down from 3 antibiotics to 1 (for precautionary measures). Her tummy looked a little less distended according to BabyMa and her doctor, but I can't tell the difference.

Doctor said she pooped and peed last night. Her sugar level is a little low. May require another pack of blood tomorrow morning. Hemoglobin is "holding."

Yesterday, the head doctor talked to us. She a little more relaxed with us. Telling us that Taylor looked better than when she first came into the NICU. On the X-Ray, her lungs can be seen. It seems like her lungs are functioning a little better. But we are still cautiously optimistic.

p.s. She skin is actually less blueish. The camera is unable to capture the true environment color under the the therapy lighting.

Rough ride 2

(Plagiarized from BabyMama)

6 pm visit: The docs had nothing new and improved to tell us. She was very responsive and active during the visit. We were blown away by how beautiful she is and how she "knew" our voices. It was cute to watch her open her eyes and move her hand and feet around. It almost looked like she was blowing kisses. Thanks for ...the prayers. It seems the real fight begins now.
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We got her umbilical cord today. We have to air-dry it and if we want, we can make a cast replical (?) of it. Took some pictures of it. Actually, I have learned a lot more about my camera functions because of Taylor's birth.

She opened her eyes a couple of times today. Mostly when BabyMa or I sang to her. Besides the usual, I sang to her "Beth" from KISS. BabyMa sang "It is well with my soul" (among 14 others).

p.s. Taylor has blonde hair.

Rough ride

12 noon visit: Taylor didn't poop anymore. She is also not passing urine. Her tummy looked bloated. The doctors are getting a surgeon to look into it. They are afraid there are perforations in her intestine. Later in the afternoon, the Head Surgeon called from the hospital. She said that there appears to be no perforation, so surgery is not necessary. However, even if surgery was necessary, because of her size, it will be hard and the risk may outweigh the benefits. She will need to consult us first. It will be a hard decision.

The social worker also called this afternoon. She kind of prepared us for what the next few days/weeks are going to be like. Jumpy moments. I was putting my jeans as I answered the call from the hospital.

This morning, they tried to get her off the oscillator and just go back to the previous ventilator, However, she was unable to support her breathing without the oscillator.

Her blood is also not coagulating. Her hemoglobin, platelet, and plasma are all low. I think it is because she is underdeveloped. This may influence her ability to fight infections. The doctors need to be careful as to what antibiotics to give her because some antibiotics can cause her system to fail. So they are being very careful.

Birth Certificate.

When down to the Immigration Office... Got her Birth Certificate.

Poop!

Evening: Taylor pooped! Best looking poop if you ask me. That was a good sign. It means her system is moving and working a little better.

Her oxygen dependency is down to about 55% (it was high in the last couple nights [80-100%]). Her lungs are a little better. Blood Pressure is still maintaining. Brain scan is clean.

Her blood is still not coagulating well. She is still a little jaundice, so the photo therapy continues. She is also not peeing, which suggest a continuation of the infection.

We got an electric milk expression machine. It works so much better. Now we have more milk to give to Taylor.

3 days and counting...

It's the third day. Nurse said the honeymoon is over. Now the infection will start affecting Taylor.

... But we had 3+ days to show her love... And for her to show us love.


12pm visit: Taylor's glucose level is good. BP maintaining. Fighting horrible infection with platelets and antibiotics. Spiting out some brown mucus (blood). Doctors trying hard to fix her lungs. Oxygen level support...Ups and Downs... 85%, 100%, 90%, 100%, 90%... Tried to talk and sing to her through some slit that the tubes go through.

6pm visit: There are some brown mucus in her stomach area. The nurse said it was blood.

Her system isn't developed yet, so once she can handle milk, we will give her. Now we are preparing the supplies.

I've been singing to her and talking to her a lot. Mostly Mr. Big songs. Mostly "To Be With You." Tonight, I sang her the same song I sang to her mother at the wedding, "Nothing But Love." I think she was reacting to it. Either that, or she really hates my singing.

From BabyMama: Taylor is still fighting. We got to spend some quality time with her tonight. She was trying very hard to suck her thumb :) She even put her hand over her face when her Daddy kept taking pictures- it was very cute. She is still fighting infection, very jaundiced, and her lungs are still in trouble. The good news is her...

Update...

I just went to the Hospital. Taylor bp is still maintaining. Brain scan is still normal. No bleeding. However, the doctor said that she appears to be fighting an infection. Preemies don't have good antibodies to fight infection.The doctors are giving her a new antibiotic and platelets to try fight the infection. Her system isn't developed yet, so she can't handle milk. She is on Maximum life-support. The oxygen level is the maximum they can give her. Her lungs are still not developed all the way, and the doctors are trying very hard to fix them.

Babyma out

Babyma is discharge. Taylor is still in the NICU.

Her BP is maintaining without additional meds. Which is good. She is on a new "vibration" thing that vibrates her body so that the carbon dioxide can leave her body. She is very active... moving her limps a lot. So they need to sedate her a little with some morphine.

Taylor shares birthday with a good friend of BabyMa.

Taylor Marie Lee Tien Mei (天美; Born 16 December 2009; 10:23 am)

Babymama was admitted yesterday. She was just supposed to go for her first doctor's appointment with the new doctor. However, the new doctor decided that she should be admitted. Apparently the blood is flowing in reverse, moving through the umbilical cord; away from the fetus. It was a strange day for me. I was doing some training for new staff, but my mind was on babymama and the baby. I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could. I guess taxi drivers are not used to being cut off by another car 3 lanes away from a deadstart.

Went to the delivery suite and found her. A friend of mine was keeping her company. They gave her steroid so as to help the baby develop her lungs. It takes the shots 12 hours for it to work. They gave her another shot at around 9pm. If all goes well, she will delivery the baby via Cesarean Section after 9am the next morning.

My mom came later in the evening... Other visitors include our pastor, a friend from BabyMama's hometown (who happens to be living in Singapore)and a music teacher who BabyMa helped in Singapore. BabyMa seemed to be in good spirit.

I stayed with her in the delivery suite that night... still in my clothes from that day at work. It was hard to really get any rest because of the machines around, but more so because of the nurses and doctors that kept coming in every 2 or so hours.

That night (or early morning), I thought of a Chinese name for Taylor. Her full name will be Taylor Marie Lee Tien Mei. Tien Mei (天美) means "Beautiful Day" in Chinese. My grandmother came up with a list of Chinese names that she thought captured the essences of what Alaina wants in Taylor's name. They were good names, but they didn't really impress on me. I wanted a name that sounded nice, but also have a deeper meaning to it.

So it happened. The song lyrics spoke to me... "This is the day that that Lord had made. We will rejoice and be glad in it."

It is a beautiful day because God has given her to us Today. Regardless of what's going to happen in the future to Taylor or us, Today has it's importance. Also, "Tien Mei" shares the same initials as Taylor Marie. "Mei" is also the part of the Chinese name for "(US of) America," where her Mama's from. So she will remember part of her heritage. But most importantly, I can write "Tien Mei" without the help of a dictionary.

That morning, our new doctor and the senior staff nurse came to talk to us about the bill that will amount up for Taylor. Being a preemie, it is very likely that she will be in the NICU for a long time. The bill for a Class A ward will be through the stratosphere. For now, Babymama is still considered a foreigner. She has not gotten her PR status yet. So there is no subsidy for her. The baby can be a Citizen because I am, however, there are more hoops to jump through if we want to be able to pay the Citizen rate at the NICU. She will still get the same care, just different billing. So Babyma, decided that she will move down to a lower grade so that the bills for Taylor will be lower. Babymama's bill will be the same even though she is moving down.

At around 10am, Babymama was wheeled into the OR. The actual operation took about 30 minutes. I was brought into the NICU to see the baby. I saw Taylor for the first time there. Her tiny baby in a plastic bag (wrap) under the intense spot light just broke me. There were at least 4-5 specialist doctors and many more nurses attending to Taylor.

I spoke with the doctor... He told me that babies of this weight (>400 grams) and age do not usually make it. In fact, there are survivors. He said there were 2 routes we could go. One is to do nothing and let nature takes its course. Another is to go full examination and treatment, doing all we can do to treat Taylor. BabyMa and I decided to go all out.

(Gotta go to the Hospital now... Will continue later... but here's some pics)

... (Continue... Back from the Hospital).

Babyma was in the Post Operative Area (POA) for the entire day. She is having some medicine that required constant monitoring. In the afternoon, I went to the Immigration office. I wanted to talk to somebody who could help us expedite the PR process. The person helping me told me that there was a 3 month processing time. There are many applicants before us. I tried explaining our new situation. I wrote a letter on the spot to the Controller, explaining how my wife delivered today and we really need to have her PR done ASAP. If the baby kept to her schedule, it would have been ok, but the situation has changed. When the person read my letter, she said "So Sad." Then she begin to relate her story about her daugher-in-law (in the same hospital) not able to hold down any food. We chatted for a while, then I left.

I went back home, took a shower (have been in the same clothing since yesterday morning) packed some stuff for Babymama, then left for the hospital again.

KM and E were already there, along with my sis and the kids. KM was actually there on Day 1 since I could not make it in time. My niece and nephew were apparently noisy (because they were singing for BabyMa) and was asked to leave. The little girl was also trying to press the buttons on the machine attached to Babyma.


Now, before going up to the ward, I went to the NICU to take some videos and pics for Babyma hoping to surprize her. When I arrived, She was crying and really wanted to see the baby. A bunch of doctors were there around the bed to work on her. They finally agreed to let her go see Taylor. So I went back down with her... Took more pics... Babyma got to touch her. She was so excited and was totally speechless. You could see the joy on her face. Taylor did not look as bad as this morning. The plastic bag/sheet was gone... I was glad Babyma didn't see that. She would be even more heartbroken. Taylor has gone a LONG way in those few hours. So far, I have seen 2 doctors work on her lungs, a brain scan for blood clots, and some testing/drawing of blood.

That night, our pastor was there again. He told me that a church member's daughter worked at the Immigration and maybe able to help out more about the expedition. (Update: We just got news from her that our application has been expedited for review... may take up to a week)

Later that night, my friends K and A came to visit. Had McDonald's with them before we left the hospital. I went back home... uploaded the pics online so that everyone can see them. Check some emails/ did some work, then my boss sent me a text message over the phone.

He called me (from the office at 12:30am) on the phone and we talked for close to 45mins. He was very supportive and encouraging. He is a Christian and we talked about some biblical events related to childbirth. He then prayed for me over the phone. I sent him a pic of Taylor. He will share it with management with my permission. (Tonight, he and another colleague came to see BabyMa)

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The next day, Babyma text-messaged me to tell me they are moving her to the regular ward. She already had a sponge bath at 5:30 this morning. I left home at around 8:50am for the hospital.

We tried going down to see Taylor but the NICU would not let us. A social worker came to see us. I explained there was a some disconnect between what our doctor told us about visiting the NICU and the actual visiting policy of the NICU. The H1N1 outbreak seemed to restrict the visitation access a lot. But we did get to see her during the lunch and dinner visiting hours.

Moving to the lower class ward did not sit well with Babyma. She was thoroughly upset.

Today, the baby was under that blue light for jundice. A doctor came to speak with us. In short, she is stable but still in critical condition. Things can happen very quickly. She is experiencing some problems that are common to preemies. Right now she is having blood transfusion and other stuff going to her. She has the same blood type as me.

When Babyma and I went to see her, I touched her for the first time. I didn't dare to touch her much cause she looked so delicate... Didn't want to break her skin. I tried singing to her (I think I was a little sharp)... But I didn't really complete the parts because I was choked up. I just stood there talking to her through the plastic box... Telling her how proud I am of her... That she must keep fighting hard... That mummy and daddy love her very, very much. Looking at her, I just feel so guilty putting her little body through so much pain. I so wish they can stick those things in me instead of her.

I went to our new place today. Went to Taylor's room and stood by the door way and cried. I guess I just wanted to find a place that was quite and where I can be alone. Back home (where I now stay), Taylor's cot is another place I would break down every time I walk past it.

p.s. Just saw the trailers to Iron Man 2. Wish I could bring her to watch it with me.
p.p.s For the last 2 days, something from Dr. Suess has been ringing in my ears: "A person is a person, no matter how small."

Tomorrow... New Doctor, New Hospital

Taylor grew exponentially last week. 40 grams. Not a lot... but more than the last 3 weeks combined.

Tomorrow, we are going to see another doctor from another hospital. This hospital specializes in Women and Children (i.e., preggo delivery). Our doctor advised us to come here since a baby that needs intensive care would probably stay in the hospital's ICU longer (i.e., more expenses). Being a citizen, this hospital would have better subsidized rates for the newborn. Guess that is one benefit of living in a quasi-socialistic country... At least there is that option.

The new doctor is our soon-to-be former doctor's good friend. All the records have been sent. Now we wait.

p.s. I still have trouble looking for the heartbeat with the portable ultrasound device.

More Greatest Hits.

We are going to the doctor every week now... Just to make sure that we are monitoring Taylor's growth closely. We did a scan with the high-tech ultra sound machine up in level 4 again, and then late at the doctor's private clinic. Not much has changed. Doctor said that her weight is "creeping" so there is some improvement, just not much. BabyMa's weight has increased by 2kg, so that is good. We did a blood test to try rule out possible viral or autoimmune disorders that can cause the low birth weight/size.

Doctor looked at the amniotic fluid level (level 8.4)... said that it was still within normal level (about 6-10) but if it drops to below a 6, we need to start preparing for C-Section delivery.

This morning, we were both up at around 3am... We were worried because BabyMa has not felt Taylor kicked since 7pm the previous night. We waited for a little, tried to push her a little but still nothing. At 3:15am, we decided to call the Doctor and make our way to the hospital. The doctor was up too because she had another patient in labor. We arrived at the same time she did. We went to the delivery ward... There, She instructed the Head Midwife to do a heart-beat scan, and prepare an ultrasound machine for her. She was going to see BabyMa after the delivery.

My mum came along too. I was afraid that if there was something wrong, she would blame me for not waking her up.

I was there with BabyMa. The midwife held the sensor to her tummy, trying to find the heart-beat. For about 5-10mins, we couldn't hear anything. I was worried. But the midwife was calm. She took her time to "feel" around. Finally, we heard it. About 140 bpm. It was pretty stable. A good sign (The doctor later said that if she is sleeping/inactive, her heartrate will naturally be slower than if she was awake). After the midwife found the heartbeat, I held the sensor close to the belly until the doctor arrived.

We waited for about 30 mins, then the doctor came in. It was a fast delivery. (I wondered if the doctor even got out of her causal clothING).

She looked around with the Ultrasound machine... that looked like something from the 60s (used by the Dharma Initiative in LOST)... She said Taylor was moving, but very gently, probably why BabyMa didn't feel much. Taylor looked like she bulk up some. Placenta looks good. Fluid level looks ok... Almost sounds like a car maintenance check.

For about 15 mins, we talked about how to proceed from here on. Doc will be away for the last 2 weeks of December. It is very possible that Taylor will be delievered early and will require intensive care. We are thinking of changing to a different hospital so that another doctor friend of our doctor can do follow-ups (an possibly deliver Taylor). She let us used her spare portable heartbeat sensor so that we can monitor at home. I asked how much an ultrasound machine cost. Tom Cruise had one at home.... Anyway, she said that if the baby's heart rate fell below 100 bpm, we should call her and get to the hospital immediately. The heartbeat will slow down gradually, so we will when to expect it, if it happens.

After everything, I looked at the bill for the night... I wondered why I didn't get a discount since I held the sensor to the tummy for most of the night. We got back home at around 530am.

For the last 2-3 weeks, I've been trying to process all that has been happening. How some treatments may require be to choose between the mother and the child.

Everything, from a human-experience (read: not humanistic) or religious point-of-view, just doesn't make sense. Sometimes, I don't want it to make sense. Maybe it would be easier for the spirit. I guess if things made sense, then I will dwell deeper and deeper, trying to find more meaning. We have been pounded by many other things that are happening. But we are still strong, and taking it minute by minute.

I just want to believe that things happen. I don't want to construct reasons behind the phenomenon. It wouldn't matter. There is no way you can be sure that things happen for one reason and not for another. I don't want to hear people telling me "Maybe God let this happen so that (fill-in-the-blank)." Because there can be some many things that can fill those blanks. I don't need to complicate things more than it already is. I still believe that God is and will be good. I just don't need/want people to construct my reality.

Through this, I can see that BabyMa and I grieve very differently. We are still strong and optimistic. Our baby girl will be fighting strong like us. She will kick some serious ass anus (My wife reminded me to me culturally sensitive and change the word "ass" to something else, like "anus").

Thanks to all who are thinking of us. We are very blessed to have you all.

p.s. Planning a tattoo. Maybe.

Bigger Better Faster More... Hopefully.

After an addition in blood pressure medicine, BabyMama is having more headaches, but her blood pressure level is getting better. Much better... Stabling off around 120/80. She has been eating more for the last 2 days. Let's hope it keeps up.

Doctor's visit

She has grown only 10 extra grams. That means her weight gain is declining exponentially. Two things need to happen: 1. Mom must eat regularly and adequately, 2. Baby must be able to absorb the nutrients.

But her heart is still beating strong (See above waves). In Everything Give Thanks.

Grandmommie

Dear Taylor,

Hello little one this is your Mommy writing to you today. I have some news to share with you that is sad and happy all at the same time. Your Great-Grandmommie passed away yesterday and went to live with Jesus in heaven. Mommy was named after Grandmommie, I loved her very much. She was soo happy that Daddy and I were blessed with you in our lives. She is at rest now and is in no more pain- Mommy is thankful for that. But I am also sad that you will never meet your Grandmommie on earth. Have no fear- Mommy has a good memory (at least now while I am still young) and I will tell you lots of stories about Grandmommie and Papa so that they can be a part of your life. One thing you can rest well knowing is that your Grandmommie loved you very much.
In a few hours Mommy and Daddy go back to the doctor to see how much you have grown this past week. I spent the week in bed resting and eating as little salt as I could to try and help you to grow. I love you baby girl and want you to have every chance to be what God would have you to be. I am happy that I get to see you moving around during the ultrasound- it is so much fun to see you and feel you move at the same time. Pretty soon you will be big enough that Daddy can feel you move all the time like Mommy. He sure does love you Taylor- he sings to you and talks to you and prays for you each day. You have a wonderful Daddy- you are blessed. I love you princess- I will see you soon.

Love,
Mommy

“Life’s a journey, not a destination…”

One problem with being a music fan is that you pretty much think in that “language.”
We went to the specialist on Wednesday for Taylor to be checked out. Long story short, her growth resembles that of a 19-week-old fetus. She is 21-weeks. The specialist said that there is high resistance in the channel that supplies Taylor with nutrition; which is why she is not getting the food, hence, not growing. She was 260+ grams last week; this week, she is 290+ grams. She should be weighing about 400 grams at this point of the pregnancy (about one pound minus 20 Famous Amos cookies).

Dwarfism was ruled out at this point. That is because she is growing proportionately, just smaller than the norm. There are 2 possible causes of the low growth rate. First, the high resistance (in the placenta); second, a chromosomal disorder. It is possible that high blood pressure can make it difficult for the fetus to receive the nutrition through the placenta. If that is the case, we should try to reduce the blood pressure through rest and drugs. On the other hand, if it is a chromosomal disorder, there is really nothing we can do about it.

After the visit with the specialist, we went to our regular gynecologist. This was where the dilemma/confusion comes in. According to her, the blood pressure wasn’t exactly high enough to cause such low growth rate. Such growth rates are seen in later stages of pregnancy. She said that if Taylor’s growth continues to slow down, we may need to take her out earlier. Much earlier. The gynecologist also said that although the earlier tests for chromosomal disorders were negative, if we wanted more accurate results, we should consider an amniocentesis. There is a possibility that a fatal trisomy was not detected.

An amniocentesis will tell us if a fatal disorder is present. But will that change our behavior? We love our baby too much to let her go. We want to give her a fighting chance. But it is hard… to want to continue the pregnancy even if (you) know the baby is not going to live more than a week after birth. I don’t know what made me say it, but as we continued discussing with our doctor, I blurted out, “I know we would want to keep the baby regardless… ‘cos for us, this whole pregnancy is as much about the journey, as it is a destination.” That was paraphrasing from the Aerosmith song “Amazing.” Babymama thought about that song too when she heard me say it out. I guess it was appropriate. This has really been a journey for us. We have grown too attached to her. It is harder to let her go now.

We decided that the amniocentesis would not be the best thing for us now. We will try to lower the blood pressure through behavior modification and drugs. We will monitor the situation closely. Hopefully, when we go back to the doctor’s next week, we will see some improvement.

It was hard not to break down.

We love you Taylor

Well, I went to the doctor on Monday, November 9th for my 20 week check-up. I started up on the 4th floor with a special ultrasound to make sure you are forming and growing just the way you are supposed to. Your bones in your legs and arms are so small you aren't even on the growth chart little one. But I tell you your little bones were straight as an arrow and I loved getting to watch you move around for almost an hour. Your heart is strong and is working properly- we could see the blood flowing to and from just like it is supposed to. Your bladder, brain, and stomach look good as well. I think you may have your Daddy's nose! You are a mover and a shaker little one- you are hardly ever still. Your little hands and feet are the cutest that I have ever seen. It was so cute to watch you wave your arms and kick your legs. When you get a bit bigger, I am going to have a time resting if you still move about like you do now! After the scan, I went to see Dr. Wong- she is the awesome lady that is going to help me bring you into this world. Dr. Wong is a bit concerned about how small your bones are and about how little you are weighing these days. We are going to see a special doctor on Wed., Nov. 18th to have some more pictures of you. I am such a lucky Momma that I get to see you again and don't have to wait 4 whole weeks this time. Darling, I know that you are perfect in God's sight and I trust Him to care for you. Baby girl, Daddy and I love you just the way you are. We are just going to have to face the fact that you will never be an athlete! You have no hope of being tall because Mommy and Daddy are very short. You will be our petite princess :) I am standing on the promises of God sweetheart that all will be fine when we go for the next test. I want to share some verses from Psalms 139 with you darling. These verses have brought me comfort this week as I wait for the next test to happen.
Psalm 139:13-17
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Darling, I am going to close for know but want you to know that you are never far from my thoughts and I am always lifting you up in prayer. I love you baby girl.

Dear Taylor,

I love you.

20 weeks and counting :)

Hello, Baby Momma here. It is 3:37 am and I cannot get comfortable enough to sleep. It is amazing that something so small can make you so uncomfortable when you try to lay down and sleep! On a happier note, I started feeling Taylor move around some this week- it is an amazing feeling. I am 20 weeks today and am feeling it! The good news is that the nausea has passed for the most part and I am hungry again. I can't eat as much as I used to at one time but eat several times a day to make up for it! I am really starting to show and have to wear maternity clothes 95% of the time now. I will go to the doctor tomorrow for my 20 week appt. and ultrasound. This time it will be a very detailed ultrasound that checks for fetal abnormalities. The scan takes about an hour. The nice part about the detailed scan is that I get to see my darling Taylor for a whole hour. The bad part is that the technician will not print out any pics for me- she will send them electronically to the doc. I am praying that all is well with my purple princess. The dreams have slowed down a bit and I am thankful. Moving day will be soon and we cannot wait. It will keep me busy unpacking boxes and making a home for my little family. Don't worry- I won't do any heavy lifting and will rest when I need to. I'll post more after going to the doc.

Memories

Baby Mamma here. I spent last night and today rereading my baby book. It was quite a trip down memory lane... My wonderful mother spent many hours it seems writing in my little yellow book to document my life as an infant. I love reading about my adventures and mishaps during childhood. It is funny to see that some things never change... I am 29 years old and still don't enjoy the same foods and drinks that I shunned as a baby. I am amazed at the love that is shown in the little memory book- thanks Mom for making it for me and keeping it going even after all my siblings were born. I don't know where you found the time to do it all- you are a SuperMom! Taylor, I pray that I can be as wonderful a mother to you as my Mom was and still is to me. You are truly loved little one. I can't wait to meet you. I purchased your baby book and have already started jotting down little things here and there. I plan to fill it up from cover to cover as you grow! Baby Daddy and I attended our nephew's kindergarten graduation ceremony today and I was struck by the thought that it wouldn't be long until it was Taylor's turn to graduate from kindergarten. How the time does fly... it seems like yesterday that I first found out that I was carrying our little blessing. I am hoping the rest of the time goes as quickly as the first half has!

And I'm the One Who Wants to Be With You!!

Hello all, Baby Mamma here again to give an update. Taylor attended her first concert on Oct. 18th. Baby Daddy and I went to the Mr. Big Reunion Tour concert this past Sunday night. The concert was held outside at a park in Singapore. It was VERY loud! I alternated between standing and sitting down during the concert but did very well in the heat! I think Taylor is going to come out singing Mr. Big songs if her Daddy has anything to say about it! He was so very excited that this band got to be her first concert. I know at this stage of pregnancy that she can hear sounds... she heard lots and lots of sound at this rock 'n' roll concert! It was so loud my stomach was vibrating! Her Daddy and his friends enjoyed themselves during the performance. I do believe that each of them took turns touching my stomach to feel the vibrations! Her Daddy sang several of the songs to her as the band played them- it was very touching and of course I cried a bit. Go figure, right?! All in all it was a good night. I do hope this darling of mine will love music as much as her Daddy and I do. I sing to her often and read books to her. I haven't felt her move yet but know that she does from the ultrasounds.

Half way there!

Hello all, this is Baby Mamma posting today. Baby Daddy was unable to go to the last doc visit with me so I get to post this lovely news! We are having a baby girl in late March. Taylor Marie Lee is very active on the ultrasound screen. I don't believe I have ever seen her be still during one of our "viewings." She is 4" long right now and everything looks good. I am still losing weight but she is thriving so the doc isn't worried. My BP is being controlled by meds 3X a day along with exercise. (Baby Daddy doesn't think it counts if we are walking in a shopping mall, but my heart rate still goes up and I am exhausted after a couple of hours!) I can't explain the wonder of watching my baby girl grow and seeing her each and every month. She is a blessing from God. I am thankful for the time God grants us to watch over her. Ok, before I start to cry here is some other news... the doc wanted me to start taking fish oil capsules to raise Taylor's IQ by 7 points. I am all for things that will help my daughter's growth and development but I am not ok with throwing up in the morning because I have taken fish oil at night. I emailed my awesome doc and she said I can take the "gummy" version that my niece and nephew take. YAY for gummies! I am doing much better with morning sickness and the like. I am definitely changing and getting rounder but feel very good most of the time. My dreams are still a plaguing me each time I sleep so I am not wanting to fall asleep. After talking with many friends and family members I have learned that this is quite common during pregnancy and should go away soon after labor. I am halfway to the finish line coming in at 4 1/2 months :) The time has flown by. I cannot wait to meet this little one and hold her! Baby Daddy will post the pics from the doc soon.

Dre-E-Eam-Eammmm Dream, Dream, Dream.

Baby Mama has been having bad dreams lately. I think it is related to her anxiety over some many uncertainties.

"Those burgers look good! I NEED TO KNOW WHERE THEY ARE FROM!"

Answer: Chili's.

We were driving to the doctor's for our monthly check-up when she spotted an ad on the bus. She was drinking her drink but suddenly screamed "Those burgers look good! I NEED TO KNOW WHERE THEY ARE FROM!" Apparently, they were from Chili's. They just opened a branch in Tanglin Mall (AKA White People's Paradise).

The doctor had the OSCAR test (for physical and genetical abnormality) done for her. We saw the fetus and everything looked okay. Head, Heart, Limbs, neck thickness, etc... The lab test who did the ultrasound was as chatty as BabyMama. I guess birds of a feather...

The doctor wanted to do some other tests because of her Blood Pressure and possibility of diabetes during pregnancy. We were able to use the blood from the labwork (done that morning) so all we needed was some pee. BabyMama was unable to pee so we decided to go eat lunch first then return with the pee sample.

Lunch was good for her. I have pics to prove it. No pee yet. Then we shopped for CDs and some groceries. Still no pee. We went home to rest a little, hoping that she would soon be able to send the sample to the doctor. But nope, we slept until 6pm. She could feel that her bladder was full but there was no pee. She was also in pain... Well, you guessed it. It is probably a Kidney Stone. We finally when to the doctor at around 2:30 am.

We went to KK Hospital first (we were there the last time). However, the triage nurse told use that their clinic was not equipped to deal with Alaina's problem. They suggested we go to the Singapore General Hospital (SGH). Their full service hospital would be better. So we went... I took the "local" route because I couldn't find the highway entrance... then there was a police stop on the road just outside the hospital... Maybe there are looking for some fugitives. Anyway,she immediately go to see a doctor after getting her physio readings done. I waited in the waiting area... playing Soccer on my ipod.

The doctor later came out and told me that she is fine, couldn't see the stones (no xray done bec of pregnancy), the fetus was very active. Will need to run some test but she should be fine after a jab. (They found a painkiller that was safe for the fetus). She was wheeled into a Observation room after the administration of the drug. Stayed there for a couple hours. We got home about 6am. While we were there, there were some interesting characters. A chinese-looking lady with blonde hair... probably ODed. A guy with long slightly curly blond hair and a full handlebar mustache. I think he looked like an Australian Hulk Hogan. Oh, he was in police custody. The ER doctor later told use the test results looked good. The levels of the elements in her blood was normal. But he made us an appointment for an urologist visit. I think BabyMama has a crush on him because he was able to get the needle into her vein on the first try.
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She has been drinking lots of Cranberry and Grape juice. Finally passed the stone in the last few hours.

Shellfish Interrupted

Sunday (6th Sept,2009), Baby Mama had been sleeping for over 14hrs. At approximately 4:30pm, she walked out of the bathroom saying that she wants to go see a doctor. She has been feeling nauseous and couldn't eat or drink without pulling a Merlion.

I was eating a plate of cockles with about 15 pieces left. What do I do? Do I abandon the lovely shellfish and get up to drive my wife to the 24 hour clinic? Or continue eating and ask her to wait until I finish eating before going? Decisions, decisons... The solution: "Okay dear, go dress up and we'll go." Then eat all the cockles like there's no tomorrow.

We went to the best Women and Children Hospital in the world... ok, not really... it's just that I was born there... The wait was about 30 mins (admission + bp test, urine, etc) before we saw the doctor. The doctor diagnosed her as being dehydrated. Gave her 2 packets of saline + dextrose cocktail and some anti-nausea meds. The whole process will take 2hrs (i.e., for the solution to go into her).

She has tiny veins and the doctor had a tough time putting the needle into the vein in her hand. Ended up using the bigger vein in the bend of the elbow. After she was hooked up to the IV packets, she was wheeled off to another room to rest.

She wanted me to stay with her in the same room. At first the nurse wasn't too happy about it but she relented. To pass time, I entertained her with my wonderful singing voice (Ha!) and amazing talent of making up words when I fumble with lyrics. I figured if singers can sing all the time during a 2 hr concert, so can I. We ended up playing "What song is this melody from." Took turns to sing the introduction music of songs and the other person had to guess the title. I WON! (END OF DISCUSSION!)

About 1hr 30mins into the treatment, she was feeling much better. Talking more, laughing, etc... So it seems the treatment worked. We went back to the doctor's room (next door) at the end of the treatment (and after the doctor's dinner break). The new urine test shows she is hydrated well. She also got to hear the baby's heartbeat. She thinks it's a baby because it is fast.

Medical Catch 22

So Baby Mama has kidney stones since she was a kid. Her stones are caused by calcium deposits. Now, prenatal vitamins (and all the lovely stuff preggos take) has calcium for the baby. That causes her to have more painful stones.

Usually, medicine can be taken to help ease the stones' movement out of the body. But since she is pregnant, the medicine can't be use. Another medicine may be used but she would need to be hospitalized so that they can monitor her (presumably because they are using a high risk drug).

Yesterday she told me that she doesn't want to go to the hospital for the meds because she rather save the money for a couch.

Go figure.

Second Ultrasound picture from the FIRST VISIT. 8 weeks+

Fun Fact: Ultrasounds have screensavers. Hope they don't have BSOD.

This is the first picture of the fetus. It is about 22.8 mm (i.e., just under an inch). But it was pretty exciting to see it moving. The heart was beating at 165bpm. The "leg(s)" (or something that looks like it) was moving and so were the arms. Movements (like the arms, legs, and heartbeat) show up on the ultrasound machine like blinking black/white pixels. It's a little like through an infra-red scope with digital zoom.

The doctor was pretty pleasant. She can't be much older than I am, though my mum says she's probably 40 years old. She explained the usual stuff to us (e.g., different tests at different weeks, etc)... The doctor also dispelled some myths about pregnancy. I deliberately asked about PINEAPPLES so that my wife can eat in peace. The one thing I find funny about this doctor is how she kept asking Alaina to go shopping and spend my money. (I counted about 4-5 times). I guess she doesn't know I don't have an income now, so it is not possible to have an "out"come. We are going to see the doctor once every month except the last trimester when we see her fortnightly.

Phenergan cost a bomb here. About $50 a pill. But there is an alternative here to that. Not sure what it is called. I've also started to keep track of vital stats for the baby's mama. The data will help the doctor determine if certain medications are warranted should the need arises. Using Google Docs, the baby's mama can also enter the data herself.

I've been up since 3 am... the burden of jet lag. Went to see the new condo/apt yesterday. If all goes well, we should be able to move in by Sept or October. If not, December. It looked pretty nice so far. The showroom/showflat was pretty pleasant too. The appliances that are included with the apartment are pretty cool, but I'll probably give my sis the coffee/expresso maker. She has been wanting one. Just treat it as her birthday gift for the next 10 years. I'm old fashion, I prefer the press. (Thanks Celine for getting me another press. The one I had was yucky)

My only complain about the apartment is the size of the rooms. But this is Singapore. I guess I should be happy with a shoebox. We kinda decided on which room will be the baby's room. (No, not that one, the other one.) We had a little disagree about where the baby sleep at night though. I wanted the baby to sleep with us in the same room but with his/her own cot. She wanted the baby to sleep in a separate room. She said that's what baby monitors are for. I just think it would be more convenient for US in the middle of the night. When the kiddo is older, we can have him/her sleep alone. In the dark.

The bomb-shelter room looks pretty cool. THAT WILL BE MY STUDIO. Any objections, Wife?

Oh any thing, the condo is beside the residential housing for the Gurkha. They are mostly in the riot police force here.

p.s. Can't find Ketchup in the fridge. Leftove fries and rice from Manhattan Fish Market. Their service is actually pretty decent. Food is so-so, but the the garlic rice rocks!

SEE U SEE ME!

I want to setup a video monitoring system at home. Maybe using some existing webcams or getting IP cameras. IP Cameras are expensive. RIDICULOUS EXPENSIVE! There must be a better way to hack a normal webcam so that it because like a IP camera.

Baby Registry (aka, how the Price Gun makes you feel empowered)

So we spent the last 2 days at Target and Baby R'US looking for stuff to put on the baby registry. Small items, big items, everything... She was just scanning them in. I was most interested in the baby car seat, cart (AKA stroller)and the diaper bags. They seem to be the coolest stuff of all the items we saw.

We were trying to find matching Graco seats and strollers and I think we found out that would work. It wasn't too bulky and it folds up pretty well. Not too sure what the model number was , but it was Gray and Blue. I noticed one thing about those baby carriers that attaches to the stroller. They don't necessary clip-fit in both ways. That must be the dumbest design ever. How difficult can it be to design another catch on the other end of the seat? The seat can do a 360 is there was a hard enough impact on the end without the catch.

The baby diaper bags were the next thing that caught my attention. Some of them were pretty slick. Maybe I'll turn the baby bag into a laptop bag when the baby's done with it. I like the magnets that secure the flaps of the bags. Makes it easy to reach in and reach out, and still have a certain level of discretness. All the bag needs is a few modifications, and it will be field-ready for Urban-Survival.

I'm thinking of making a wireless baby video/sound monitor. Get a few webcams, hook it up to the network, maybe have live internet videos... sounds like a fun project. Maybe it can double as a home security system.

How I knew and when I knew it

So I received the news on 18 July, Saturday morning. I was in bed at a family's friend's garage/house/fun room, when I was greeted with a "Good Morning, Daddy-To-Be." She had gone for a pregnancy test earlier that morning and got the confirmation. She said it turned "positive" as soon as the urine sample touched the applicator.

It's kinda weird but exciting at the same time. From a biological point of view, it was really no big deal. These things happen everyday to millions of creatures big and small. But when it is my own, somehow it feels like a miracle. Like something happened out of the most unusual circumstances. Thank God for microscopes and pregnancy tests.

The next few days, she did some reading up on pregnancy. I had to leave for NY. She continuously updated me on her condition and the fetus size and shape. Now, it looks like a manatee. She was bleeding the last couple days but it has since stopped for more than 24 hrs.

So we got pretty much everything we need for Singapore. Business class tickets for the first time. Finally, it's my turn to look at those with cheap seats parade in front of me. LOL. Just kidding. Not really. ;) I got the business class tickets because I wanted her to be able to recline as much as possible. The extra legroom would help too. Next stop, some socks to help prevent Deep Vein Thrombosis. Been looking at some baby products too. The market is saturated with them.

Day one for the rest of my life

This blog is a log of my thoughts on being a father for the first time.